Why truth?

I'm not going to define truth. Since I'm not here to debate anyone, I don't really see it as a productive activity. Perhaps I should express for myself, however, what I consider to be truth, since if I'm seeking after it and cannot express what it is I seek, then I'm a poor seeker.

Ever since I was young, I have been convinced, due to the influence of various sources, of the virtues of pursuing a lifestyle of self-improvement, and of seeking wisdom. For most of my life, rather then become a search for wisdom, or for any sort of self-improvement or religious truth, this turned into a hungry ambition, a seeking after intelligence and knowledge, a craving for understanding of how the world works and why.

I was unsatisfied regarding the world, and wanted to feel important; so what was naturally a good desire became something less wholesome. Not that seeking knowledge and craving understanding are bad, mind, but one needs to recognize that knowledge of the physical nature of the universe will not satisfy the inner void we hold within ourselves anymore then sex, drugs, or money will. I did not recognize this, I thought it would, and so I sought, foolishly, to "learn everything." This led to me learning ever-more esoteric knowledge of the physical laws of reality, to pursuing ever-more obscure and high-level classes in academia, and to becoming ever-more miserable. I did not realize this, of course, but that is what it was. I hoped that someday I would win a noble prize, and be remembered as a famous scientist, so that even if I died, my life would still -matter-. Meaninglessness was my constant enemy.

I look upon that attitude now with a sort of pity. I probably could have told you, even then, that such a mindset was foolishness, and could have cloaked myself in pretty words and explanations regarding why that did not apply to me. I would claim I loved the wonders of the universe, and had a boundless curiosity and enthusiasm for the beauties all around us. And that is true; I did have those things. But that dark aspect was also true. I had to learn to live up to that ideal without succuming to the pitfalls, and it was a long, hard journey. I still cannot say for sure how I managed to change my mindset, though I have guesses I will not speculate on them at this time.

But the fact is that I did, I managed to recognize the flaw and improve. And I began to view my own life in light of the world; the flaws I saw within others were also within myself. Others did not live well, but I did not live well, and I had to change that above all others. How could I ever expect the world to get better if I did not get better? I had to become the sort of person whom would live in the world I wanted to live in. And in the process of becoming convinced of that, I realized that in order to do so, I would have to dedicate myself to truth and love. I guess we are all dedicated to truth and love, so I'm not saying much. But I want to live out, in my own life, truth and love. I do many things that fall short of that example. Whether intentionally or not, I cause harm in the world every day. I observe it.

This is my attempt to not have to observe it any longer. But if all that I accomplish in life is that I live according to my principles, in a complete manner, a comprehensive manner, without sacrificing them, or glossing over the little things, then perhaps in some small way my life will serve those causes. I realize that with all of our souls we all think this way; that we want to act for truth and love. But with every word and action by which we live our life all of us deny it. And thus we have come to this blog.


There can be only one permanent revolution — a moral one; the regeneration of the inner man. How is this revolution to take place? Nobody knows how it will take place in humanity, but every man feels it clearly in himself. And yet in our world everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing himself.. -Tolstoy